Imagine ordering an Uber without knowing where you want to go…
You might end up somewhere good by chance if you randomly select a destination with your eyes closed but the odds are against you.
Well, a lot of men operate this way when it comes to women and the results are just as bad.
So, what is it that you want when it comes to women?
Do you want to be in a relationship, do you just want to have fun, or do you want something else?
The answer to this question is important because the correct path to take depends on what you want.
One BIG example?
How long you should make your dates…
If you just want to have fun and hook up with women, then you can follow a one-night game plan…
However, if you want a woman to fall deeply in love with you, become your girlfriend, and/or become your wife, then you should follow the RELATIONSHIP ROAD MAP from the very beginning (we cover the Relationship Road Map in detail inside the Attract and Keep Her System if you don’t own it already).
In other words, if you want a long-term relationship, you should be taking a long-term view.
Here’s the thing: We’re not just trying to get ONE date here or get a number, etc…
We want to make it to the THIRD date with a woman…
And then we want to make it all the way to dates 6-10 where she finally brings up the idea of being in a committed relationship with you.
And, to do that, we have to slow things down and space things out more than most men want to when their interest in a woman is super high.
One of the biggest mistakes men make that causes them not to get a second or third date with a woman is:
Want a Relationship? Avoid THIS…
MAKING DATES TOO LONG.
Listen, we shouldn’t be going on 3 hour first dates…
Now, you might be thinking, don’t some other dating coaches recommend having a woman meet you at your place and heading out from there together, going on a long date, taking a woman to 2-3 places, and then ending up back at your place at the end of the night?
Well, yes, if those coaches are teaching you how to hook up with women.
If you just want to have fun and hook up with women, then here’s what you want to do:
Make your first encounter with a woman basically THE SAME as you would the first 3 dates if you want a relationship.
So, for example, if you go out on a Friday night and meet a woman who seems open to you and possibly to a hook-up, then you should spend time building attraction and building rapport with her…
Then, instead of getting her number and then getting out of there and then asking her out a few days later…
You should take her to another venue.
This change of location will make both of you feel like you’ve known each other longer.
If she likes you and wouldn’t mind a hookup, she’ll agree and be happy to go with you.
You’re leading her on a fun ADVENTURE.
Then, you tease her a little more and build more rapport at the second location.
Maybe you even go for a kiss if you’re talking with her in an isolated corner.
Then, you should suggest heading to your place (say you have something cool to show her, etc. – make it smooth and remove the awkwardness).
Then, if she agrees and goes to your place with you, you can make sure she feels comfortable and just escalate from there.
Easy peasy (for more detail on this process, grab The Good Guy Guide).
On the other hand, if you want a woman to fall in LOVE with you and you want her to be your girlfriend/wife, you should space everything out a lot more.
Remember: The TIME BETWEEN interactions with you when a woman is thinking about you without you contacting her is what raises her interest in you the most. <==Read 3X…
So let’s say you accidentally bump into a sweet, beautiful woman at a coffee shop.
You banter with her for a minute and then you ask for her number.
Then, you take her out for a date a few days later…
Your date should be 45 minutes to 1 hour maximum.
Then you smoothly exit and try to leave on a high note where you’re both enjoying yourselves.
Why?
Because we want her to want MORE of you vs. wearing out your welcome.
We want to make it to the THIRD date, not have a 3 hour first date.
Also, make the date low-pressure.
Sitting across from each other having dinner for an hour is much more pressure than grabbing a coffee, ice cream, smoothie, etc. because if you end up not having a good time you can’t leave until the entire meal is served, the check comes, etc.
With coffee, ice cream, smoothies, etc. you already paid and it doesn’t take an hour to finish.
It’s much more comfortable for both of you.
So, you take her out for a coffee, banter with her a bit, build some rapport, get her laughing, let her talk a lot, and keep it light and playful.
Then you smoothly exit after 45 mins – an hour.
Send her ONE text a little while later saying, “Thanks for the fun time today Amber =)” or something similar.
Then, just wait 4-8 days and ask her out again with minimal contact in-between dates.
And, by the way, on your first date you should meet her at the venue instead of inviting her to meet you at your place first…
Then, for the second date, you can offer to pick her up (if you live in a city where you both take public transport, you can meet her at a certain stop and hop on with her, etc.).
Listen: If a woman (who’s interested in you) has to go out with you to get to know you more because you don’t tell her all about yourself via technology, then she’ll want to go out with you again.
If she can do that without dating you, she won’t be so interested in meeting up.
And, if a woman (who’s interested in you) has to go out with you again because you didn’t reveal everything about yourself on the first date or make the first date way too long, she’ll be very interested in going out with you again.
If you milk the first and/or second date for all it’s worth, make it too long, and share too much about yourself on the first 2 dates or via technology, she won’t be so interested in seeing you again.
Make sense?
Excellent.
Now, when she agrees to your second date invitation and shows up for your second date, you can make that one about an hour (go for a kiss by the end of the second date).
Same with the third date.
Keep your first 3 dates to about an hour or so, give or take, with the FIRST date being shorter – think 45 minutes to an hour.
Space.
Things.
Out.
Give her a little bit of yourself at a time instead of using a firehose.
Now, you don’t have to go crazy about this and set a timer on your phone or anything like that…
You don’t want her to be aware that there’s a time limit or make everything weird.
You want to exit the date smoothly.
And that’s why coffee is an excellent first date: About 45 minutes to an hour is roughly how long it takes to sip a coffee and talk to someone.
Plus, you can let her talk a lot, which you should always do on a date.
So just end the date at around an hour or so when you feel like the time is right to make a natural exit (hint: the right time is when you’re both laughing and having a great time – when she wants to spend more time with you).
Now, you can take a woman out for a 6 hour first date and sometimes it does end up working out long-term…
However, a lot of times if you connect with a woman really FAST it also ends up fizzling out faster.
Plus, even if a woman is very interested in you when she meets you, it still takes a long time for her feelings to solidify into something that lasts (women fall in love slower – this is a key truth in dating/relationships).
So, if you want a woman to fall in love with you and become your girlfriend or wife, the ODDS are much higher if you keep your first 3 dates short and sweet and let things play out over a longer period of time.
And then what should we do after those first three dates?
Well, first of all, CONGRATULATIONS:
If a woman shows up for your third date with you, it’s very likely that you can make it all the way to dates 6-10 with her…
And that’s why we want to make the first 2 dates a little shorter than you’d like them to be when you’re really enjoying spending time with a woman:
We want to make it to the THIRD date; not just have a good first date.
When a woman shows up for your third date with her, it’s a very strong indicator of interest.
So, well done on making it this far…
Now we just have to make sure we continue being a challenge, waiting 4-8 days after each date to ask her out again, etc. until she brings up the idea of being in a relationship.
That’s when you’ve truly made it to the promised land (usually takes 6-10 dates assuming you do everything right).
We’re not quite out of the woods yet and we want to make it ALL THE WAY home.
However, after your third date, you can relax a little bit on how long your dates go.
One of my top clients asked me about this recently:
“Hi Jim,
I’m still really enjoying everything you’re putting out…
Quick question:
How long should I keep the dates to approximately (1) hour?
I’m about to take this girl out for the 3rd time this Sunday, and it’s been working great.
Do I continue to keep the dates to approx (1) hr:
1.) Until she asked me to be her boyfriend?
2.) Or until she says, “why can’t we ever go out on Friday and Saturday night?”
3.) Or until “she invites me” out to do something (like invite me over her house to cook me dinner)
And at that point, feel free to start going longer, such as 2 hours or even 3 hours?
Thanks for your help,
-B.M.”
Here’s my reply:
Hi B.M.,
Great to hear from you.
This is an excellent question because it shows you’re already doing everything right so far and that your thinking about this is on point – you’ve been taking her out for short dates up until now.
So, well done.
I would say this: For your third date, you can make it a little longer than an hour if you want.
An hour and a half or even up to 2 hours is just fine for your third date with a woman, especially if you already kissed her on your second date.
Then, after your third date, 1-3 hours is just fine for a date.
However, I would still avoid:
-Full day excursions and
-Weekend trips…
Save these long experiences for when she’s already in love with you and already in a committed relationship with you.
Why?
Because too much time together in the early stages of dating KILLS challenge and we need challenge to keep raising her interest in you until we get to dates 6-10 (NOT just date 3) when she suggests being in a relationship.
Once she does that and you commit to each other, then go ahead and take her on a trip.
Before that, it’s always better to spread things out and keep your dates less than a full day.
Also, make sure you’re still following all of the other steps (waiting 4-8 days before you ask her out again, etc.) until she brings up being in a relationship – that’s when you can finally relax on the other rules a bit.
Remember: Most men rush head-first into rejection at warp speed.
We still take women on long dates sometimes; we just do it later than most men.
We still take awesome women on trips, we just ONLY take friends and official girlfriends/wives with us.
We do things like that after a woman’s in love with us; not as a way to convince a woman to like us (that doesn’t work anyway and only leads to rejection or a woman who’s there for the wrong reasons).
We take our time, slow things down, space things out, let things play out naturally, and give women what they really want: CHALLENGE.
And that’s just one of many reasons women love us so much. =)
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
